I want to share something sacred with you.
It’s not easy to put into words.

This isn’t really a teaching. It’s more like a series of moments I’ve had with God that have deeply marked my heart.

For a while now, I’ve been letting go.
Letting go of the pressure to stand tall beside Jesus. Letting go of the need to always be strong. I’ve been learning, slowly, that the only reason I’m able to stand at all is because of His love.

And in that posture of surrender, I’ve had what I can only describe as downloads of God’s heart. Moments when the Father has let me feel His pain. Not in some vague or abstract sense. It’s been raw and real.

I’ve felt His grief over people who don’t know Him. Every kind of person. Every nation. Every walk of life.

I’ve wept. I’ve wailed.

It was as if the Father allowed me to feel, just for a moment, what He feels.
The agony of watching His creation turn away. The sorrow of knowing what awaits those who reject His love.

And in those moments, I’ve cried out to Jesus.
I’ve begged Him to send me to help people.
Because once you’ve felt even a fraction of that pain, you can’t stay still.

Then God’s heart began to grow even deeper in me.

I started to weep over people who’ve hurt me. People I had forgiven, but who had still left me with deep wounds and trauma. And as I prayed, I saw a vision of us worshiping together in heaven.

And I realized:
That’s what I truly want.
I don’t want anyone to be lost.
Not even those who cause me pain.

Hell is real. I’ve experienced it.
And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Over His Church

One night during worship, I had a vision of the Father.
He was seated on His throne.

His face was in His hands.
And with the other hand, He struck the throne in grief.

He was weeping. And angry. And heartbroken.

It was over the Church.

He sees what many pretend not to see.
The sin that’s been tolerated.
The injustice swept under the rug.
The leaders who’ve used His name for selfish gain and have abused people in God’s name.

And while He must bring justice, it breaks His heart to do so.

He’s not an indifferent ruler.
He’s a grieving Father.

His Heart for the Marginalized

I’ve also felt His heart for the LGBTQ+ community.

Yes, He sees the sin. But He also sees the pain.
The trauma. The rejection.
The longing to be known and loved.

He is not blind to the stories that shaped them.
And His desire is not to shame or destroy.
It’s to heal.
To restore.

His love doesn’t ignore sin.
But it never ignores the person behind it either.

And I’ve wept over this too.

Not because I’m trying to be politically correct.
But because I’ve felt the ache of the Father.

Plus, I know what it’s like to be LGBTQ+. See my testimony here.

Wrestling

I’ll be honest with you.

The intellectual side of me wrestles with these things.

God created hell. He created us. He knew the future. He chose to be invisible.
So why is He weeping over the consequences?

I don’t have all the answers.

But here’s what I do know:
Even though many things don’t make sense to me, I know that God still deeply cares.

Final Thoughts

There’s one last thing I want to share.

Despite all appearances, God deeply loves and cares for you.
The weeping I shared, He does that even over us.

He knows our pain, confusion, trauma, and yes, He sees sin and wants to deal with it.

Think about it: the perfect God, who is called the Lord God Almighty, weeps over you.
He loves you and He sent His Son, Jesus to die for you and rise again.
All so that you could be forgiven of sin and have a relationship with God.
Not just an intellecutal experience either, a real, living, relationship.

God isn’t as distant as we think.
He is close. He is near. Especially to the brokenhearted.

Call on Him to save you. To heal you. Let Him be your God and you His child.

I pray that as you’re reading this that God opens your spiritual senses to be able to hear His voice.

Jesus says: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)