There are encounters I’ve had with God that have left me speechless. This is one of them.

It happened during a time when God was challenging me to step into the call on my life. But I was holding back because I was afraid; afraid of the cost, afraid of what people would think, afraid of fully surrendering to what He was asking of me.

Then, one night, as I was about to go to bed, the Holy Spirit led me to a verse:

“For day and night your hand was heavy upon me” (Psalm 32:4a)

I didn’t know just how literal that would become.

That night, I wrestled with God.

The Weight of His Presence

The moment I tried to sleep, I felt it.

His presence.

Heavy. Inescapable. Unrelenting.

It was as if Jesus was standing in my room, and the weight of His glory continually grew stronger and stronger, pressing on me in a way that was both overwhelming and holy.

I tried to rest, but the weight of His presence only intensified.

And He wasn’t letting me go.

He was exposing my fear, my hesitation, my reluctance to step forward. He was asking me to stop fearing the wrong things and start walking boldly in what He created me to do.

Experience of Hell

Around 2 AM, God’s presence grew stronger, and suddenly, I had a vision… one I will never forget.

I saw myself in hell, lying dead on the ground.

Jesus was there as the Lamb, looking at me.

At the exact moment of this vision, I felt something so horrific, so beyond words, that even now, I struggle to describe it…

• I felt completely dead.
• I felt exposed.
• I felt emptied of all life.
• I felt stripped of everything, especially hope.

For the first time, I understood, in the deepest, most terrifying way, what it means to experience God’s wrath.

And the terror I experienced in that moment was beyond comprehension.

Then, I heard the Holy Spirit speak:
“Fear God.”

It wasn’t until later… after days of reflection and discussion, that I fully begun to grasp what I experienced.

I had felt the atmosphere of hell:

• Terror beyond all earthly terror.
• Death beyond death.
• Hope doesn’t exist.
• No peace.
• Total and utter separation from God’s love, mercy, and goodness. But not His holy wrath.

It is the worst possible existence.

The Lamb In Hell

In my time trying to minister to people and understand different viewpoints, I’ve studied the topic of hell more extensively.

And I realized about a year and a half after this encounter that what I experienced is straight out of the Bible.

Yes. You read that right.

While studying, I came across Revelation 14:9-11 which says:

“Anyone who worships the beast or its image, or accepts its mark on forehead or hand, will also drink the wine of God’s fury, poured full strength into the cup of his wrath, and will be tormented in burning sulfur before the holy angels and before the Lamb. The smoke of the fire that torments them will rise forever and ever, and there will be no relief day or night for those who worship the beast or its image or accept the mark of its name.”

Upon reading that I felt the fear of God intensely.
Plus, I couldn’t believe I was just seeing this scripture now.

Through this I learned something imporant about hell:
The Lamb (Jesus) will be there.

What a different picture of hell than what is usually portrayed.

Many Christians say that hell is separation from God. But, that’s not really true.

It’s actually separation from the attributes of God we want like:

• Love
• Mercy
• Goodness
• Patience
• And more

Hell is God’s holiness without mercy, His wrath and judgment experienced forever, never apart from His presence.

God’s presence is a delight to those in heaven but torment to the unforgiven in hell.
Same God. Different experience.

The Fear of God

After this encounter, one truth became crystal clear:
Forgiveness through Jesus’ sacrifice is everything.

Without Him, there is no life, no hope, no peace… nothing but despair.

And this is why the Fear of the Lord is so important.

It’s not a fear that makes you run from God, it’s a holy fear that keeps you close to Him.

The fear of God is:

An intense admiration, reverence, and awe for who God is and what He’s capable of.

It’s a fear that wakes you up, shakes you out of complacency, and makes you realize that there is nothing more dangerous than living apart from God.

Jesus said in Matthew 10:28:

“Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.“

God isn’t teaching us to be in crippling terror of who He is all the time, instead, He’s telling us to fear the right thing. When we fear God above anything else, other fears get destroyed.

The fear of God ironically results in a deep confidence, boldness, and security in Him. Because the same God who has the power to throw me into hell, intensely loves me and has decided to adopt me into His family.

You see, I was fearing the wrong things, the opinions of others and the cost of obedience.

But: The only One worth fearing is God.

Run to Jesus.
Let His presence become delight, not terror.
Because only the forgiven can stand in it.

Bringing It All Together

This night changed me. It left me with a deeper urgency and a greater surrender.

If you’ve been holding back because of fear and it’s been keeping you from fully stepping into what God has for you… let this be a wake-up call.

There’s so much more I want to say about the Fear of God, so I’ll be diving deeper into it in upcoming posts.

In the meantime, if you’re looking to grow in your relationship with God, we have resources to help you.

P.S. I’m still overcoming wrong fears, especially the fear of man. But this encounter marked a significant shift in me.